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Keeping at ease with your emotions and feelings as you become a capitalist, slowly but surely is hard, I want to keep myself awake, from the buzz of the world, from all that is wrong, the want for money, want for power I had little dreams to fulfill, very spiritual them goals, some might even call them the ultimate ego, to be one with god, but because my feelings changed and I was no longer that person, just someone who is now filled with some sort of superiority I began gaming the system, I mean most systems in the west are still based on trust, and I could exploit that, because I was smarter, I was not a straight arrow, I was you could say someone who liked to go sideways all the time, to figure our if there is more to life than this, anyway in one of my sidequest I met Allure, that is indeed her name, I think thats her name, she is Turkish, she studies psychology and reads Harry Potter books, can you imagine addicted to Harry Potter at your uni? I guess it would probably do good if you have to write a lot, so I do get it, I was pretty addicted to Sherlock Holmes when I was in Uni. Anyway I would go meet her everytime I had enough coins, I used those coins to do laundry, things I could do at home but then again, I would not meet allure, she was a living breathing princess, or sorts, who worked at a laundry, someone who knew how to dress for the part, I bet you have not seen her likes in your local laundry, anyway so I was asking her how her trip went back home, she said you know this is my home now, turkey feels like a dream, a dream that I like when I feel I have had enough of this reality, I go back I chill at the beach with some boys, smoke some marijuana, then meet my friend who can see magical beings, its a dream I tell you. I thought abotu my own home, its not been long that I had visited, it went on sucha flurry, I felt too protected, too cocooned, I didnt need to face the reality there, I wouldnt call that a dream, I dont know what I would call it. If I stayed there for long for instance then maybe I could call it a dream, my dreams are long, they are sticky, you can feel it on our fingers, and you can feel them coming down as sweat on your forehead, thats what dreams are some sweaty marooned island, with rivers crisscrossing with mountains.
I felt really uneasy when people ask me about home, home I say, home is a foreign concept for me I am a traveler, I dont do homes, I stay sometimes for a while in a place I like then I drift slowly away, I try to stay away from attachments like Buddha, but I also dont think that is what buddha was teaching, so maybe I am not a good student of his, I never liked being a student I was always the one who wanted mastery, but from my own senses, I wanted to learn everything by doing, I dont study because from early on I realised those things in the books they are pretty close to what reality is but it aint it, its different what we have in this world, its a mess chaos, the birds looking for feed and the people looking for food, I met a prostitute once in the london streets, I think she was a prostitute, I was on tube coming home, she was unhappy in her marriage is what she told me, and so she was working as a pros, but she liked me, wanted to take me home with her, I refused, she wanted a kiss, I gave her a kiss on her forehead and told her, we shall meet soon.
I dont know what happened to her, do I really care? Perhaps not, but i could have had a sexual encounter with her, beside her house, early in the morning, her panties flying, and me gasping for breath, I would have liked that, but I dont think I would have lasted long, I am well I rush, and I was tired I served alcohol to 200 people today at the bar, i was allowed to be tired, but I could have had a thing you know, but I didnt, I dont know why.